Stuck

It has been a long long story..
I think this part was the worst in my life..
I never failed any subjects no matter during my primary , secondary
even foundation..
But i eventually failed my FAR during Beta Year for the 1st time in my life..
Every time i c ppl failed their paper.. I was so sad, couldnt help them at all..
Just know how to console them.. But i know the feeling..
The feeling is the worst at all.. Well , maybe some people are lucky..
Like what they say.. I suddenly feel that i really have to wake up..
Time to be much more responsible
Don't wait , wait till the last minute
Do it , don't waste time
But is that really me? Sometimes my dignity is really make me gone mad..
I have a thing in my life who stop me from success , arrogant / stubborn...
I doesnt like to listen to people's advice.. Well , sometimes i may even consider..
but i think i would hardly accept it..
Is it an act of immature? I just don't know anything about it..
Well , maybe like what people say , FAR is hard.. but still they manage to pass it..
What i get is 'F' in the result slip.. It was hurting me badly..
I don't know how it feels when getting a 'F' during the exam.. Fine!
I screwed up my FAR and i screwed up everything..
PTPTN will be barred from 1 sem.. As what they say , but i don't give a damn..
it is ok for me to go through a life which is boring, yeah , i have to stay at home and STUDY!
oh this is madness!!!
For me? That is totally impossible... Should i? Just a damn stupid thing.. Aiya , don't have to care about it , late people 1 sem only ma , doesnt affect much...
Yea , that was in my thinking for few weeks ago..
But seriously, i can't let go of it...
Mom say : it is normal to fail an exam , do ur best next time..
My mom is really an understanding person , she doesnt scold me at all, but to console me and teach me , why and why and why i failed this exam.. Now i know..
Family , is really important to me..
When i left my home for my study , i totally ignore my family , only they phone me , but i never phone them, even it was , i was just asking for pocket money.. Useless right?
Yea , blame me for everything , i used to hate it so much.. But now , all i want is to turn back everything , this is not End of the World , this is the beginning..
It starts over and over again.. I had this experience during my form 2, although didn't failed my exam , but 121 ,this figure is damn stuck deeply inside my mind..
She changed my life eventually ,
i used to hate her so much , but i would like to say thanks to her(my secondary teacher)
it was upon some reasons.. Now i know
Secondary teacher is much MORE better than University Lecturer..
I know i shudnt blame them for failing me...
I know where my standard are...
So i think it is time to reset...
I cannot be like this forever...
I have to change it..
I feel that i just stuck in the middle of nowhere...
This feeling sucks!!
I hate it but it was my mom , who had gave me a lot of support...
MOM , you're the best in the world!!
I just wanna love u forever till the day i die...
Sometimes tears doesnt bring sadness away , although i didnt cry
but deep inside , the satisfaction level is totally negative..
I hate to lose sometimes
SO I WONT GIVE UP..
I wont let it happen again...
This i promise myself... and to my dearest mom...
I will get up and make everything back to normal..
I can make it right... I knew it...
This is because i have the most wonderful woman in my life and
she is my past girlfriend , my MOM



MOM , i love you deeeeeeeeeeeeeeply in my heart... Thanks!